


Holding On & Letting Go

by imthehotgirl



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Original Character(s), Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-16 13:03:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5830000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthehotgirl/pseuds/imthehotgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chad convinces his best friend Jared to go with Chad's former co-worker Jensen Ackles on a roadtrip in hopes that it will change Jared's life around. Neither Jared nor Jensen is prepared for what lies ahead of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shaneo6930](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaneo6930/gifts).



> This is a fic written for one of my best friends. Happy Birthday, shaneo6930!!

27-year-old Jared Padalecki groaned as he rolled over onto his stomach, his eyes reluctantly opening despite his best efforts to keep them closed.

            Glancing to his left he saw his roommate Chad Murray’s dog, Humphrey give him a tired, if slightly interested look. The King Charles Spaniel finally yawned in his face before huffing out a breath and falling asleep again on the half of the bed Jared had graciously left him.

            Jared was just about to follow Humphrey’s example and go back to sleep himself when Chad entered the room.

            “All right, Jay, time to get up, lazy ass.”

            Jared groaned again, doing his best to ignore the pounding pressure behind his eyes.

            “Can’t move. Gonna hurl,” he mumbled, breathing as slowly as he could.

            He heard Chad laugh and tried to flip his friend off, but quickly decided against it when he realized it would mean having to move. Movement was not an option right then.

            “Yeah, I’ll bet,” Chad replied with a chuckle. “Listen, man, as fun as it is to nurse you back to consciousness every fucking weekend you can’t keep doing this.”

            “You kicking me out?” Jared asked, feeling a pit that had nothing to do with the alcohol he’d consumed the previous night settle in his stomach.

            “Nah, of course not. I just mean you need a change of scenery for a while, ya know? Do you really expect to have your life change at a fucking dive bar, Jared?” Chad demanded, handing Jared a glass of water along with two tablets of aspirin as he slowly rose to a sitting position despite everything in him screaming at him not to.

            “I guess not. But what’s wrong with the way things are now, huh? Maybe I’m just enjoying life,” Jared said.

            Chad snorted. “You’re not enjoying life, Jay. You’re fucking miserable. You need to get laid by a stranger or something. But not only that you really need to put your heart out there, on the line and expect it to get broken, but hope like hell that it doesn’t. And don’t give me that: ‘ _I get laid by strangers all the time_ ’ crap. I bet you do, but you don’t remember any of it. So you know what that is? It’s _bullshit_! Go shower up. I’ll get you breakfast before we decide what the hell you’re gonna do with your sorry ass life to make it a little more memorable.”

            “Chad, you really are my best friend,” Jared murmured, the faintest hint of a smile gracing his features.

            “Damn right, kiddo,” Chad replied, flashing Jared a smile of his own.

**

            Later that morning Jared made his way into the kitchen feeling somewhat more alive after his shower.

            Sliding into a kitchen chair across the table from Chad, Jared did his best to ignore the food in front of him as he felt his stomach clench unpleasantly.

            “All right. I’ve got something set up for you later this afternoon,” Chad said.

            “Not rehab?” Jared asked warily.

            Chad snorted, shaking his head. “Nah, but you probably could benefit from something like that eventually. A buddy of mine is heading out of town today. He needs the company and you need a fresh start.”

            Jared raised an eyebrow in Chad’s direction. “He’s leaving town? Why?”

            “You’d have to ask him that. Fair warning, he’s a pretty private guy,” Chad explained.

            Jared nodded in understanding. “Okay. Guess I should start packing,” he replied before heading to his room.

**

            Later that same afternoon a black car pulled up outside, settling smoothly into Chad’s driveway.

            “He’s here, man. Ya ready?” Chad called out. A few minutes later Jared entered their living room, one duffel bag in his hand and another slung over his shoulder.

            “I guess,” Jared muttered, quickly dropping the bags at his feet to give Humphrey a proper goodbye. “Be a good boy, okay? If your daddy tells you not to eat it you should probably listen. Especially if it’s toilet paper,” he advised, pressing his lips to the dog’s head before standing up, gathering his bags and heading toward the door, Chad following behind him.

            “Look, Jay, just because I’m telling you to get lost for a while you know I don’t mean forever, right? You’re my best friend. The only reason I’m insisting you do this is because I’m worried as fuck about ya. But don’t be a stranger,” Chad murmured, squeezing Jared’s shoulder.

            Jared chuckled softly. “Don’t worry, man. I’m gonna call you every day,” he promised, his eyes dancing in amusement when he saw Chad visibly relax at his words.

            “Right, that reminds me,” Chad muttered, making his way toward the driver’s side of the black car, rapping his knuckles against the window.

            As the window came rolling down Jared could see a man with dark blond hair and well-toned forearms, sitting behind the wheel. He couldn’t make out the color of the other man’s eyes because they were hidden behind sunglasses. But it was apparent, to Jared at least, that the guy was stressed, and possibly nervous because he sat ramrod straight and there was obvious tension in his shoulders. Jared couldn’t figure out how he was comfortable sitting like that, but then again had Jared been in this guy’s position, carting a complete stranger wherever the hell they were headed, he’d probably be a little freaked too.

            Not to say that he wasn’t plenty nervous already as it was being a borderline alcoholic entrusting his life to someone who could be a friggin’ Bible thumper for all he knew. But he trusted Chad. Chad wouldn’t leave him in the hands of a judgmental asshole. At least, Jared hoped he wouldn’t.

            “Hey, this the kid?” the guy demanded, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as if Jared and Chad were wasting his time. Which seriously—what the _fuck_?! It wasn’t like Jared had to do this. He certainly wasn’t doing it because he felt like paying it forward or what the hell ever. But one glance at Chad and he felt a knot settle in the pit of his stomach. And in that moment he knew he had to at least give this a shot for his best friend’s sake. He couldn’t keep taking advantage of their friendship like he had been. It was time to grow the hell up.

            “Yeah, this is Jared,” Chad replied. “Jared Padalecki meet Jensen Ackles.”

            As Jared finally approached the car he watched Jensen remove the sunglasses he’d been wearing and Jared was met with the most gorgeous pair of green eyes he’d ever seen in his life.

            Clearing his throat he held out his hand, Jensen gripping it in a firm handshake.

            “So, you ready to hit the road or what?”

            “Sure, man. You mind?” Jared asked, motioning toward the backseat, attempting to open the door to put his stuff behind the driver’s seat.

            Jensen nodded his consent before watching Jared round the car and open the passenger side door after he’d gotten his things put in back.

            “Wait. Get over here,” Chad grumbled, easily pulling Jared into a tight hug after rounding the car himself. Jared grinned at him when they stepped away from one another.

            “Okay. Out with it, Murray. I know you’ve got like a list a mile long in your head about the things I can and can’t do with your boy here,” Jensen said gruffly when Jared climbed into the passenger seat.

            “I love you, guys. Take care of each other, huh?” Chad instructed gently, giving them both a warm smile.

            “Seriously? That’s all I get? What the hell happened to the micromanaging asswipe I worked with all of last year at _Better Insurance Bureau_?” Jensen demanded in disbelief.

            “Funny, Ackles. Now get out of here before I remember why I shouldn’t just do this for Jared myself,” Chad insisted, scowling in Jensen’s direction.

            “Oh, thank God, you’ve returned to us,” Jensen retorted, smirking at Chad as he backed up out of the driveway. Unable to stop himself, Jared rolled down his own window and waved goodbye to Chad as they drove off.

**

            Once they got on the road Jared glanced in Jensen’s direction every so often, giving the other man a tight-lipped smile whenever Jensen caught him looking.

            After thirty minutes or so Jared found he couldn’t take the silence anymore. Leaning forward he switched on the radio, Dire Straits’ song ‘ _Walk of Life’_ flooding the car.

            Sitting back in his seat he sighed in relief as the familiar melody washed over him. Catching Jensen shoot him a surprised look Jared swallowed hard, his hands fumbling for the radio dials.

            “Jesus. ‘m sorry, man,” he mumbled.

            “Leave it. I like this song,” Jensen replied, his hands flexing on the wheel.

            Jared nodded, staring at his hands and biting down on his lower lip for a moment before gathering his courage and just deciding to ask Jensen what was on his mind—because honestly? He was damn curious about some of the answers.

            “So… Jensen, do we, uh, have a specific destination here or uh…?” he trailed off warily, uncertain how to finish phrasing his question.

            Jensen shrugged. “Not really, man. I’d been planning on road tripping it for a while, ya know? Crash wherever we end up for the night. Small towns, sightseeing, I’m planning on doing all that crap. And if that’s not what you’re after, fine. I just need to know where you want to go so I can drop you off on my way.”

            “Oh, well, is it okay if I stick with you for a while? I just…I need some time to figure out where I want to land for a while, I guess?” Jared muttered, tugging at a loose thread in his jeans.

            He watched Jensen’s jaw tick, the other man’s eyes unwavering from the road. “All right, guess I can live with that for now. But once you figure out where you want to head towards make sure to tell me right away,” Jensen insisted.

            “Right,” Jared replied, nodding in agreement. His brow furrowed a few seconds later as Jensen’s unusual request echoed in his head. “Wait. _Why_?” he asked slowly.

            Jensen’s eyes narrowed in his direction. “Because that’s just how I want this done, all right? I can’t afford… I mean, Chad was the one who insisted you come along with me. The way I see it I’m doing him a favor. That’s it, all right?” he demanded.

            Jared swallowed convulsively, avoiding Jensen’s gaze for a moment. Chad hadn’t been kidding about the guy being secretive. “Okay, I get it,” he mumbled.

            A few minutes later he looked over at Jensen again, hope flooding his eyes. “Look, Jensen, I understand you’re pissed at me for whatever reason. But could we maybe stop for a little bit to pick up some cheeseburgers or something?”

            Jensen met his gaze, a mixture of emotions flooding his face in that one moment before his eyes crinkled at the edges and he laughed aloud.

            “Yeah, sure, Jared. I could eat too,” he agreed, a smile gracing his features.

            Jared sighed in relief, a broad grin spreading across his face as he looked at the other man, Tracey Chapman’s song ‘ _Fast Car’_ drifting through the radio’s speakers.

 

**TBC...**


	2. Holding On & Letting Go

Later that night they pulled up outside a motel. Jared watched as Jensen cut the engine and made to head inside. However before the other man could exit the vehicle, Jared reached out, grabbing onto his arm.

            “Jensen, wait. I just, I wanted to let you know that if you ever need me to I’d be willing to drive. You shouldn’t…I mean, you really don’t have to do all the driving, man,” Jared insisted softly.

            Jensen blinked at him, his tongue unconsciously darting out of his mouth to wet at his lips. “What?” he finally asked.

            Jared gulped, wondering if he’d crossed some invisible line by asking the question or if Jensen was trying his hardest not to get pissed at Jared for asking such a ridiculous question.

            “You know what? Forget I asked,” he muttered, giving Jensen a weak smile before pulling at the passenger side door handle.

            “Dammit, Jared. Give me a friggin’ minute to answer your question! You always been this insecure?” Jensen demanded.

            Jared chuckled hoarsely. “Yeah, I guess. Probably one of the reasons alcohol seems so damn appealing all the time.”

            Jensen snorted in response. “Okay, whatever. Listen, you just took me by surprise with the offer, all right? That’s all. Of course I wouldn’t mind if you’d ever want to drive. Might be helpful switching off every so often so we could get more sleep when needed,” he reasoned.

            “So, you’re okay with it?” Jared repeated, unable to keep the eagerness out of his voice.

            “Sure, man. Sounds good,” Jensen told him. “Now let’s go check-in so we can get some sleep.”

            Jared readily followed after him.

**

            Once they got into the motel room Jared brought his stuff over to the bed closest to the bathroom.

            “Hey, you don’t mind which bed, right?” He asked, motioning between both of the Queen-sized beds in the room.

            “Not yet,” Jensen mumbled inaudibly. Clearing his throat, he gave Jared a brief smile.

            “This is fine, Jared,” he answered aloud. “Now where is it?” he demanded.

            “Where’s what?” Jared asked.

            “The alcohol you’ve got stashed away,” Jensen replied. “You either tell me or we can do it the hard way,” he continued, staring at Jared’s duffel meaningfully.

            Jared glared at him. “What the hell is this? Chad promised me no rehab!” he growled.

            Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I’ll bet he did. Anything to get you out of the house, I’m sure. Come here,” he said, pulling Jared toward him and patting him down.

            A few minutes later he found a flask hidden in the inner pocket of Jared’s jacket. Leaning forward, he grabbed Jared by the chin and when the younger man opened his mouth to protest the unexpected contact, Jensen took a deep breath, cringing slightly when the smell of alcohol hit him.

            Shaking the flask still in his hand Jensen quickly surmised it was about a little less than half full. “Been busy, haven’t you?”

            Jared shrugged. “Not really. I’m fine, man. Just any other Tuesday. Drank from it while you were in that rest stop and then again at the convenience store. No big thing. I just need a little confidence boost when I’m faced with changes.”

            Jensen’s gaze hardened the longer he looked at Jared. “Well, for starters it’s _Saturday_. And secondly, it’s a very big deal, Jared. In life you’re always gonna be faced with changes. With realities you wish you could hide from. But you can’t keep doing this. Not unless you want to kill yourself.”

            Moving past Jared, he entered the bathroom and emptied what was left in the flask into the toilet before flushing it down.

            “Hey! What the hell are you doing?” Jared cried indignantly, swaying slightly on his feet. He’d been sitting in that damn car for too long. That’s all this was. He watched in disbelief as Jensen exited the bathroom and began rummaging through his duffel bags he hadn’t touched since putting them on the bed.

            “Jensen?! What the fuckin’ hell do you think you’re doing? Get your hands off my stuff!” He cried out, pawing at Jensen’s back and arms in an attempt to get the other man to stop his search.

            “Gotcha,” Jensen muttered, pulling a half empty bottle of _Jack_ from the bottom of one of Jared’s duffel bags. Making sure to check all the extra pockets, he moved on to the other duffel and found a bottle of _Cuervo_ essentially in the same condition as the _Jack_.

            Giving Jared a pointed glare he grabbed the bottles and proceeded to do what he’d done with the flask. “Jesus, you really are sliding down a slippery slope, aren’t ya? Were you drinking this shit straight up or what?” Jensen demanded, stepping out of the bathroom.

            Jared snorted. “ _Nooo_ , Genius. I got ‘em from Chad’s liquor cabinet before I left with you.”

            “Of course you did,” Jensen agreed amicably, the disbelief he was currently feeling affecting his tone as he ran a hand over his face. “Well, looks like we’re in for a long night. A long few days actually.”

            Jared’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

            “We have to sober you up if we’re going any further together. And unfortunately, that means going Cold Turkey, sweetheart. So, yeah, _awesome_ ,” Jensen replied with a scowl before flashing Jared a very forced smile.

            “I’m not _anybody’s_ sweetheart,” Jared snapped.

            “Clearly,” Jensen muttered, rolling his eyes.

            “And who the hell died and made you the boss of my life anyway?” Jared demanded.

            “Chad apparently,” Jensen deadpanned. As expected, Jensen’s sense of humor was lost on Jared in that moment.

            “Well, screw him. And screw you too! I don’t need your help. Bet I could find someplace to crash for a while. Get a job or whatever nearby,” Jared insisted.

            “Mmmhmm. Keep talkin’,” Jensen said, waving his fingers in a ‘ _come on_ ’ gesture. “Bet you’ve got big plans, huh? Need to find a way to ditch me and get your next fix, right? Am I…anywhere in the ball park here?” he asked, his lips curling into a smirk.

            Seething, Jared balled his hands into fists. “You looking to get punched? ‘Cause I have no fucking problem clocking you right now, you asshole,” he snarled.

            “Oh, honey, you say the sweetest things,” Jensen retorted, letting loose a low chuckle. “So, do you need to shower or piss?”

            “What? No,” Jared said.

            “Good,” Jensen murmured. “Now strip.”

            Jared’s eyes widened for a few seconds until Jensen’s words sunk in and his whole demeanor changed. Quickly advancing on Jensen, he backed the other man up against the wall.

            “Dammit, Jensen. If you’d wanted in my pants all you had to do was ask, baby. You didn’t have to get us all pissed off at one another for a really stupid reason,” he growled huskily, dipping his head, beginning to kiss Jensen’s neck.

            Jensen groaned at the contact, his eyes fluttering closed briefly before his common sense overwhelmed him. Pushing his hand against Jared’s chest he met Jared’s confused expression with a serious expression of his own.

            “Hell, no. _If_ this ever happens between us you’re gonna be sober when it does. You understand me, Jared?” he snarled.

            “What? You still waiting on Prince Charming? Is that it, Jensen? Is that why you’re such a friggin’ buzzkill? Well, guess what? The fairy tales and happily ever afters? They don’t fucking exist. It’s all bullshit! So keep dreaming, Romeo. Ain’t gonna happen,” Jared said, his voice rising in volume the longer he spoke.

            “Well, that didn’t last long,” Jensen said, making mention of Jared’s rapid change of behavior. “Guess we’re playing hardball. _Fine_.”

            Opening his own suitcase, which he’d left on the floor by the motel room door, he quickly found what he was looking for.

            Jared smirked at him when he realized what Jensen had in his hand. “Full of surprises, aren’t you?” he asked, spotting the handcuffs Jensen had brought.

            Jensen gave him a sad, wistful smile. “Yeah, I’d had other plans for these when I thought I’d be traveling solo. But I guess we can make ‘em work now considering the circumstances, huh?”

            “Hell yes, we can,” Jared readily agreed, his eyes growing dark with lust.

            “Good. I was hoping you’d say that,” Jensen said, before slapping one end of the cuffs to Jared’s wrist and then wrapping the other around his own wrist. “You should’ve listened to me when I told you to strip, Jared. Shoes and socks off. _Now_. We’re going to sleep. Yes, just like this,” he told Jared when he saw the younger man about to protest yet again. “It’s your own damn fault for not listening to me. Hopefully this’ll teach you something,” he growled, not bothering to wait for a response from Jared as they climbed into the bed Jared had claimed as his own for the night and he turned off the light.

**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

_72 Hours Later…_

            Jared was certain he had died and gone straight to hell. And Lucifer was dressed in a deceivingly attractive 6’1” package with mesmerizing green eyes and freckles artfully caressing his cheekbones and nose.

            He wasn’t sure how he had survived the past few days between the vomiting, dry heaving, hand tremors and sweating. He hated Jensen for doing this to him.

            He didn’t need to ‘ _sober up’_. Sure, he liked to drink, but who the hell his age didn’t? It didn’t mean he had a problem.

            The two of them were once again driving down the open road after Jared’s forced detox. And he stared out the passenger window, blatantly ignoring Jensen as the other man drove.

            “So, you want to talk about it? Tell me why drinking seems to be so important to you?” Jensen finally asked.

            Jared rolled his eyes, huffing out an annoyed sigh before finally turning his attention to the other man. “All I did was agree to go on this damn road trip turned Inquisition. That’s it. So I like to have fun. So I like to party. What the hell is so wrong with that?” he demanded, glaring at Jensen.

            “Nothing, Jared,” Jensen insisted. “Except for the fact you’re doing it on a regular basis. What’s your motivation? Do you hate your job? Your love life? Why are you so intent on destroying your life?”

            “Hey, _pal_ , just because I’m not living my life like you doesn’t mean I’m destroying it. You want to tell me why a 32-year-old up and quits his job just to road trip across the country?” Jared retorted.

            Jensen shrugged. “I hated the insurance business,” he replied.

            “Oh. Okay,” Jared said.

            “Actually, it’s more complicated than that,” Jensen admitted.

            Jared’s eyebrows shot upward at the apparent truthfulness of Jensen’s statement. “Yeah? You want to talk about it?”

            Jensen laughed. “What? Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice what you were trying to do there just now? We were talking about _you_ , remember, Jared?”

            “Uh huh. Nice of you to take off the cuffs,” Jared muttered, sighing heavily as he leaned back against the headrest, his eyes rolling toward Jensen. “But you don’t trust me yet, huh?”

            Jensen let loose another sharp bark of laughter. “No. Not even close,” he agreed.

            “Perfect. ‘Cause I sure as hell don’t trust you either,” Jared replied. “ _God_! This is so boring! Car rides suck when you can’t get drunk. Or be the one driving,” he mumbled, staring at Jensen meaningfully.

            “Yeah, not gonna happen,” Jensen insisted.

            “Of course not. I swear traveling with you is like traveling with the Fun Police. Jensen, come on, man. It’s just one little drink. That’s all I’m asking for here. How bad can that be?” Jared protested.

            Jensen’s nostrils flared, his hands tightening on the steering wheel for a moment as he glared out the windshield at the traffic in front of him.

            Giving Jared a tight-lipped smile he pulled over to the side of the road before cutting the engine.

            “Can you hotwire a car?” he demanded.

            “No,” Jared replied, his brow furrowing in confusion at Jensen’s question.

            “Good,” Jensen told him, pocketing his keys and opening, then abruptly closing the driver’s side door. Once outside he ran his hands over his eyes and looking out toward the traffic whizzing past, he sighed heavily. “How the hell am I supposed to help him if he doesn’t even want it? There’s only so much I can handle alone right now. But you know that, I guess. I gotta tell ya, you seriously have a twisted sense of humor. I’m not exactly qualified for this job, okay? Just because my old man…”

            Jared watched Jensen pace back and forth next to the car, talking to someone. Himself apparently. Seeing the other man grow even more agitated the longer he paced, Jared’s own uneasiness over the situation consumed him. Opening his door, he looked over the top of the car at Jensen. “Uh, you feeling okay, Jensen?” he asked hesitantly.

            Jensen met his gaze, his own chest heaving. “Get back in the damn car!” he roared, glaring at Jared, watching the other man recoil at the unexpected outburst before doing what he was told.

            “Fuck,” Jensen muttered, running a hand over his face again. “You want me to tell him, don’t you? What the hell am I saying? Of course you do,” he grumbled, making his way toward the trunk, opening it, then his suitcase and pulling out a book before shutting everything again and making his way back toward the front of the car.

            Opening the door, he slid into the driver’s seat, silently handing Jared the book which was entitled _Alcoholics Anonymous_. After shutting his door, he started the car and made his way back out into traffic.

            “What the hell is this? I’m not… I mean, I don’t have…” Jared protested.

            “Right. Of course you don’t. Absolutely,” Jensen agreed with a nod. “And I understand better than most that you can bring a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”

            “What the hell are you _talking_ about?!” Jared exclaimed, looking at Jensen as if he were crazy.

            “I just mean I can’t make you change. You’re gonna have to want to do that yourself. Until then, I figured you should know there are other options out there. And if that doesn’t sit well with you? It’s a book. You’re bored. Don’t try to overthink it yet,” Jensen advised.

            “Whatever,” Jared muttered, opening up the book and beginning to read. The next several minutes went by with neither of them talking, just the sounds of Peter Gabriel singing ‘ _Solsbury Hill’_ breaking the silence.

            As they pulled up to a stoplight Jensen rolled his shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of the tension that was manifesting itself in his muscles as he’d been driving.

            “All right, you know what? I can’t do this anymore. What do you want to know? I’m not saying I’ll be an open book here or anything, but I could answer some of your questions if you’ve got ‘em,” Jensen told Jared.

            Jamming one of his legs up against the dashboard, Jared glanced down at the book in his hand and found himself wondering how Jensen had obtained it.

            “Jensen, you’re not…? I mean, are you an alcoholic?” he finally asked, biting down on his lower lip.

            Jensen shook his head. “No. But my dad is. And I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a guy like that. One who’s an alcoholic, I mean. It does a number on your body physically and mentally. It’ll tear families apart with dishonesty and mistrust. But I’ve also seen what A.A. can do. How it helped my dad see past his own ego, his selfish tendencies and reach out to others more when he needed help. And then he’d turn around and help others in the program when they needed it.”

            “So, he, uh, got sober?” Jared asked.

            “Yeah. Yeah, he did. More importantly though, he’s _stayed_ sober. And I’m really proud of him for that,” Jensen replied.

            Jared swallowed hard, averting his gaze from Jensen’s briefly, overwhelmed with the sudden realization that he wanted Jensen to be proud of _him_ too.

            “Jensen?” he finally asked.

            “Yeah?” Jensen asked, giving Jared an inquisitive look before returning his focus to the road in front of him.

            “Do you really think I have a problem?” Jared muttered.

            “Chad seems to think you do. And the behavior I’ve seen you exhibit already makes me believe there’s a problem. Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “But it’s not up to me or Chad. The only way you’ll change is if _you’re_ ready and willing to change. Admit that you have a problem.”

            Jared snorted. “You make it sound so simple.”

            As they pulled up to another stoplight, Jensen turned his gaze on Jared, his eyes narrowed and his expression drawn as he looked at the other man. “That wasn’t my intention, Jared. Not at all. It can be fucking hard facing the fact something is wrong and you need someone to help you get better. Not just hard but terrifying,” he growled, turning his focus to the road once again, his hands tightening on the wheel after the light had turned green and he continued down the road.

            Jared mulled over Jensen’s words. “So what the hell do I do until then?”

            “Keep reading,” Jensen said, nodding in the direction of the book Jared still held. Rolling his eyes and sighing heavily, Jared did as Jensen suggested, if only to pass the time until they reached the next lame tourist trap on Jensen’s list of ‘must-see crap’ as they continued on the road trip from hell.

**

            Pulling into a diner parking lot a short time later, Jensen glanced over at Jared as he cut the engine and quickly pocketed his keys.

            “I’m starved. Let’s go eat,” he said.

            Jared nodded, silently hoping they had at least some kind of cheap beer he could ask about once he ditched Jensen. Climbing from the car he mulled over a potential plan. He figured he’d just have to escape to the ‘bathroom’ at some point.

            Once they were seated in a booth and had each ordered their drinks, Jared revised his plan slightly when he realized there were no alcoholic beverages on the menu.

            He’d just have to use the bathroom excuse on Jensen and then evade him, going in search of a nearby bar. Relief flooded him when he realized Jensen’s back was to the door and they were far enough away from the entrance to the diner that Jensen wouldn’t be tempted to glance over his shoulder every time another customer entered the building. At least, Jared was hoping that would be the case.

            After their food was ordered, Jared stretched out even further on his side of the booth, his foot knocking up against Jensen’s.

            “Oh, sorry,” he mumbled, flashing Jensen a rueful smile.

            “It’s okay, Jared. You’re, uh, a _big_ guy. It’s understandable you’d need a little more room to relax fully,” Jensen murmured, his eyes slowly travelling over the portion of Jared’s body he could see, giving the other man a small yet appreciative smile in the process.

            Jared felt his face flush at the unexpected teasing nature of Jensen’s voice, clearing his throat as he remembered he was on a mission.

            “Listen, I, uh, I gotta use the restroom. I’ll be back in a few, all right?”

            Jensen nodded, grabbing onto Jared’s hand as the other man got to his feet, clearly intent on bypassing their table.

            “Right. I trust you, Jared. At least, I’m trying to. Please don’t make me the bad guy again,” he implored.

            Jared, suddenly finding it hard to swallow, found himself looking at his shoes and the slightly grimy floor beneath his feet.

            “I’ll be right back,” he choked out before taking off in search of someone who could give him directions to the nearest bar or liquor store.

**

            A few minutes later their food had arrived and Jared hadn’t returned. Sighing heavily, Jensen flashed a weak smile at their waitress, thanking her mostly to make her disappear again.

            Getting to his feet, he went in search of Jared. Relief flooded him when he spotted the younger man talking to the guy behind the register. He was bent over a napkin writing down something as the other man spoke.

            “Thanks a lot for your help,” Jared said to the man, shaking the guy’s hand.

            “There you are, Jared. Thought I’d lost you, sweetheart,” Jensen said loudly, choking back his laughter as Jared realized he’d been caught. “You done in the bathroom already? No? Good, ‘cause I could use your help,” he continued, doing his best to ignore the cashier’s look of confusion because he knew if he looked at the guy he wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face or hold back his laughter at the pure lunacy of this entire situation any longer.

            “Guys don’t go to the bathroom together!” Jared hissed angrily as Jensen pushed him towards the restrooms.

            “Not usually. But guess what, darlin’? Most guys haven’t been through what you and I’ve been through together. I held you hair back while you puked and called me every obscenity in the book in-between your dry heaving. So don’t try to convince me we’re not closer than most,” Jensen insisted, shoving Jared up against the wall outside the bathroom to finish their heated conversation. “Let me guess. You were gonna leave and hike it to the nearest bar?”

            “Christ. Can we go eat now?” Jared muttered.

            Jensen shook his head. “Like hell. Since you needed to go to the bathroom so damn bad we’re doing that first. The food can wait,” he insisted, giving a man who had just exited the bathroom and overheard part of their conversation, a strained smile.

            Pushing Jared through the door, he quickly checked all the stalls, relieved to find them empty. Leaning up against the door so Jared had no way out, Jensen looked at the other man pointedly, expecting him to get down to business.

            “I’m not doing this with you watching me!” Jared cried out.

            “Whine and bitch all you want to, pumpkin. If you wanted to be babied through this you should’ve had Chad come with you,” he snarled.

            “But-but I have to take a shit,” Jared protested.

            “Oh, well, then. Excuse me,” Jensen muttered, pretending to leave Jared alone. “Are you friggin’ kidding me with this right now? Everybody poops, jackass. Get over yourself!” he exclaimed, motioning toward one of the empty stalls.

            Glaring at Jensen, Jared did his best to slam the stall door behind him, just to get the point across even further to Jensen that he was pissed.

            “Why the hell do you keep calling me those goddamned names anyway?” he asked, his voice sounding weird and echo-y in the stall.

            Jensen chuckled. “Honestly? Because I know it drives you crazy,” he admitted. “And it’s cheap entertainment watching you get all riled up over it.”

            “Well, I hate you for it,” Jared said, flushing the toilet, stepping out into the bathroom after pulling up his pants.

            “Awesome. Add it to the list I’m sure you’ve got in your head of all the things I’ve been doing that are cramping your current lifestyle,” Jensen said, giving Jared a smile. “Now wash your hands.”

            “I also hate you because you’re bossy,” Jared volunteered, doing as Jensen instructed despite his initial instinct to refuse.

            “I can live with that,” Jensen said. “Besides, your attempt at desertion earlier gave me an idea about what we could do next. Let’s go talk about it while we eat,” he suggested.

            “Hold on,” Jared said, pulling Jensen closer. “You basically gave that cashier out there the idea that we came in here to fuck. Can’t leave him disappointed,” he said, helping Jensen pull his t-shirt out of the waistband of his jeans where it’d been tucked in. He also unbuttoned a few of the buttons on his own shirt, grinning as he watched Jensen get a nervous bout of the giggles.

            “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Jensen choked out, as he gasped for air, watching Jared attempt to mess up his own hair in the back of his head. “Here, let me help,” he said, successfully mussing up the younger man’s hair to the point where it looked like it’d been yanked on.

            “Oh, and one more thing,” Jared replied, grabbing Jensen by the chin and kissing him hard on the mouth, biting down on his lower lip before pulling away completely, smirking with pride at Jensen’s kiss swollen lips and flushed face. “Perfect,” he growled huskily.

            Jensen blinked, visibly stunned by Jared’s actions, the corner of his mouth twitching as if he were uncertain whether he wanted to smile or not. “Uh… _huh_ ,” he mumbled, finally managing a half-smile.

            Jared barked out a low laugh, grabbing a hold of Jensen’s hand, leading him out of the bathroom and back toward their table, grinning when Jensen buried his face against his neck after they caught the cashier’s eye.

            Once they sat back down, Jensen cleared his throat. “So, you doing okay?” he asked, referencing Jared’s attempt to bail so he could go get drunk.

            Breathing deeply through his nose, Jared nodded as he thought about the kiss they’d shared. If he’d known a natural high could be that amazing he wouldn’t be having issues with substance abuse, he reasoned with himself.

            “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good, man,” he told Jensen, actively believing the words he spoke in that moment. He could totally do this by himself. He didn’t need anyone’s _‘help’_ fixing him. He was doing just fine.

            Catching Jensen give him a soft smile, Jared felt warmth unexpectedly flood him as they locked eyes. Oh, yeah. He was _better_ than fine.

 

**TBC...**


End file.
